If That's Movin' Up, Then I'm Movin' Out

Text message from Kristin Faulkner, Jan. 30, 04:42 pm: Omfg. I think alissa is leaving. For good.

Many roommates in college have been struggling with their other roommates, I've noticed. Some have rude ones, some have ones that have sex while you're still in the room, some have ones that were their friend before they freak out one day and physically shove them into a wall...

So I thought this post would be appropriate.

To anyone thinking of moving out, please take the time and let your rage settle. Move on from your situation and simply let things go. This is not to say that you can't call them bitches later, but this is to say that you should do as Ron Burgundy says. You stay classy.

Otherwise, you'll seem way more childish than you ever had before, like this beautiful display of maturity. It's only slightly above a Post-It note break-up on the scale of passive aggression. To Alissa, I genuinely hope you enjoy your new housing situation and I wish you all the best. Have a great life!

(Like she even reads this blog)

To my girls Kristin and Amanda, congratulations on making your triple a double. Your room is officially where the party's at, now that there is no one to offend. Unfortunately, this means that the Ali-Alissa talk will never happen.

But seriously, kids, if you're going to move out, could you just do it quietly and without fanfare? It's better for everyone that way. I mean, if you're more dramatic about the whole thing it makes for a good laugh for your old roommates (and their friends via Facebook, IM, and text - so for that, I do thank Alissa for her more overt exit from T4).

It doesn't accomplish anything for you to be bitchy. Just keep those feelings inside as you pack up your Beatles poster, island-print sheets, and questionably-doused pillowcase (that's still fucking funny).

So for everyone with roommate issues, I would like to just show everyone it's not an isolated incident.

I mean, I don't have any issues, I live with one of my best friends, but if your room life sucks, you're not alone.