WE HAVE TO GO BACK!: The Lost Season Finale Blog

10:00 PM EST
My TV glitches in a The Mole commercial. I get worried.
10:01 PM EST
Flash-forward to a Sayid assassination. Despite the fact he just offed some dude in his car, man looks good. He walks up the stairs of an apartment complex to an apartment where Hurley is contemplatin ga chessboard. I think it's Sayid's apartment, but I can't be sure. Sayid wants Hurley to go somewhere with him, but Hurley questions why. Sayid tells him the Jeremy (I think) guy commited suicide. They're being watched. Hurley is now paranoid and delusional. Sayid says that paranoia keeps him alive. Hurley asks him if they're going back, and this time it's safe. Hurley wins the chess game against...Mr. Eko (who he delusioned).
10:04 PM EST
Back to the 'copter, they can't find the freighter, and no one goes to jump off. Jeack tells Kate they'll go back for Sawyer, and Hurley finds the boat (good for him, he would've probably been the next one voted out).
10:05 PM EST
Locke is trying to help BS live with the monitor. Ben decides to be a prick and not help him out with keeping the boat intact. BS tells Ben something about Hurley, and Ben says "Not if I find him first." The Soldier dies.
10:06 PM EST
The Boys see the red light go off. I freak as my TV glitches. They resolve to get everyone off that boat, and Michael continues to spray the thing with liquid nitrogen (way to be unoriginal, JJ Abrams, they did that on Alias and Tom Grace STILL got blown to bits in the series finale). Desmond goes to get life jackets and sees the helicopter. "Bloody hell." He tells them to go back, it's not safe on there, but they think he's trying to wave them down. Desmond tells them there's a bomb, but Lapedus doesn't care and he puts the 'copter down. Michael still keeps spraying it, but the can runs out of nitrogen. Back on deck, Desmond warns them, Sun looks confused, and they try to get some fuel. Sun won't leave without Micahel, but she tells Sun to get on the helicopter and runs to find Michael.
10:08 PM EST
Michael runs out of nitrogen. Michael tells Jin to get the hell out, get Sun, and get off the boat. He does, and tells him good luck. The 'copter is leaving, and they leave without Jin (bastards). Only the Oceanic Six are on it. Sun goes for Jin, but the helicopter leaves without Jin as he waves it down on the deck. Sun screams for him, but Lapedus won't turn around for him.
10:09 PM EST
Michael and his special effects liquid nitrogen run out. But Christian appears to him and says "Your work here is done" right before the boat blows up just as I predicted it would. Jin dies right in front of Sun. She screams. The helicopter has issues. Crick to commercial.
10:10 PM EST
Water break. As I run up the stairs I hear "that's a sacrifice I have to make" and I dash in horror to my room thinking I missed something...only to find it's a commercial for Honey Nut Cheerios. Damn you, General Mills!
10:14 PM EST
Apparently there are 3 endings to Lost. And they'll be on GMA.
1014 PM EST
Sun is freaking out and wants to find Jin, but everyone is blown up and they continue on despite her screaming. Jack looks guiltly at the wreckage as Sun almost chokes Hurley in her desperation and sets Aaron off crying. Desmond is on the helicopter, does he survive? Lapedus is asked to fly them back to the island, which he agrees to. Sun screams NO!
10:15 PM EST
Businesswoman Sun is talking to her daughter Ji Yeon. She says goodbye as she sees a bunch of business men (including Whitmore). He asks how her dad is (a golfer who he owes dinner). She confronts him, but he claims ignorance. They share common interests, and "when you're ready to discuss them, call me. As you know, we're not the only ones who left the island." (!!!!!) He quickly turns her around and asks her why she wants to help him. She doesn't respond and keeps walking.
10:17 PM EST
Locke asks Ben why he killed BS even though it blew up the boat. His "bad emotional response" got him thinking off. Locke is his apparent successor, and he continues to put metal in the hatch. Another explosion. The two duck and are safe. The metal sparks in the chamber, and Ben goes to change. Because his clothes are all wrong for blowing shit up.
10:18 PM EST
Juliet and her Dharma tequila see a hot sexy man swimming to shore in little more than cargos. Turns out it's Sawyer. Somewhere in Massachusetts, Anne is drooling and pushing pause on her TiVo. She rolls her eyes (I would've jumped him). "Nice day for a swim!" he says. She asks him why he's back, but he doesn't give her a straight answer. Juliet is drinking away her sorrows at the boat blowing up, which Sawyer didn't notice in his breaststroke back to shore. Sawyer is sad.
10:19 PM EST
Commercial. It's the Coldplay one (or as Maddy would call them, "The Chris Martin Experience") for iTunes that I love.
10:22 PM EST
I Survived A Japanese Gameshow looks awesome. Just thought I'd share. Brings me back to watching Human Tetris clips on YouTube with Callie rather than studying.
10:24 PM EST
Orchid time. Ben throws on a down jacket. Ben is leaving for "somewhere cold," and Locke isn't going with him because Ben has to suffer the consequences of what Jacob intended. Apparently, whoever moves the island can never come back. Locke is supposed to get back up the Elevator and go meet Ben's people who know what's up and will be loyal to Locke. The two men shake hands and Ben apologizes for making Locke's life so miserable. Locke asks Ben what to tell them to do. Ben tells him "you find your way, John. You always do."
10:26 PM EST
Locke's in the jungle and finds Ben's people rip-roaring and ready to go with a campsight and everything. He is the new one. Richard Alpert is there and greets him with hsi band of haggard creepers. "Welcome home," Alpert says. Locke smiles.
10:26 PM EST
Ben looks through the wreckage of the metal and finds a wormhole which he crawls into. It leads him to a ladder to a deeper hole (to China? I don't know at this point). There's a blue glass botom, which he breaks. The ladder breaks, Ben is cut, and it looks hella cold down there. At first I thought it was Antarctica with Paolo, but I don't think that's it. Ben is bleeding. He finds some weird gears that are frozen over, and he looks up like it's an alter. He says "I hope you're happy now, Jacob," and proceeds to try to turn the knobs by breaking the ice with a cane/crobar. All 90 pounds of Ben isn't getting it to work, until he uses all his might and turns the things slowly.
10:29 PM EST
That loud metallic sound from the season 2 finale (with the blinding light? Remember?) starts to eminate to everyone else on the island. It throws off chopper and people on it, and Ben continues to turn it. A weird light is coming from it like it's Narnia or some shit. The blinding light is back from season 2. And POOF! The island is gone. Into the water. Like when you throw your toys in the lake and then they don't float like they think.
10:31 PM EST
This is not good for the chopper, they were looking to set down on the island, and now that it's gone, there's nowhere to land and the chopper decides that now is a good time to run out of fuel. Lifejackets are grabbed and people prepare to hit the water. The chopper hits a rough landing, and all I can think is that it's not good for Aaron. Crash to break.
10:32 PM EST
Commercial break/water break #4. I hope there's another commercial break around 10:45.
10:36 PM EST
Opening shot of water. And bubbles. And people. For a minute, Jack looks like the Evian ad in Zoolander (you know, MERMAN!). Jack surfaces to hear everyone yelling to make sure everyone else is okay. Surprisingly, Aaron grapsed the concept of holding his breath at the tender age of 5 weeks. They find Desmond not breathing and bleeding from the head. Jack tries to CPR him as everyone watches with hope. Desmond comes to and coughs up half an ocean as he does. Everyone is relieved and yet bummed that they didn't make it. Jack says "It's okay. We're alive." Well, for now.
10:39 PM EST
Kate is sleeping (or attempting to) somewhere in the future. The phone rings, and creepy music plays. Someone is whispering on the other end, and Kate freaks out. She runs, grabs her gun from her armoire, and FINDS CLAIRE IN AARON'S ROOM as she yells "Don't you touch my son!" Claire tells her not to bring him back (to the island, and Aaron, I assume). Turns out it's a dream, and Aaron sleeps soundly in his bed. Kate breaks down crying and strokes Aaron's hand and says "I'm sorry" as he sleeps.
10:41 PM EST
Aaron sleeps as a baby on the raft. Hurley asks if they're okay. Everyone tries to sleep on the raft. Hurley says Locke moved the island, and Jack shoots him down. "Oh really? Because one minute it was there, and the next minute it wasn't. So unless we overlooked it, dude..." They see a flashlight in the distance, and Lapedus is shocked. Turns out it's a boat. They flag it down. You'd think Sayid would learn from Season 1. This is when Jack decides at this moment that they have to lie when they get back to the mainland rather than being excited. He points out the logic in his story, but Kate questions if they can pull it off. "Just let me do the talking," he says.
10:44 PM EST
The boaters are speaking some dialect of Indonesia (wish I could tell you what they mean, but I did hear "AQUI!" which in Spanish means "HERE!"). Tunrs out that Penny is on the boat, and Desmond goes up and gets her. Penny goes to see him. Romantic music swells, both smile, and they kiss. About time something good happens to him.
Desmond asked how she found her, and apparently the phone call he made when he was tripping out? She tracked him. He promises to never leave her again and they proceed to sweetly suck face.
10:46 PM EST
The others get off the boat to meet Penny, and Desmond politely introduces them all. Jack tells her they need to talk, and ominous music swells to...commercial.
10:47 PM EST
Commercial. I run to pee. Because I know if I miss something, I'll be confused for like 3 more seasons.
10:50 PM EST
A title card reading "One Week Later" pops up. Sayid tells Hurley it's called Nembata, the island they're going to on the boat. Hurley asks why they're sailing 3,000 miles to yet another island. According to Sayid, "It's to keep them safe." There's another few hours to get to the island. Jack shakes Lapedus's hand and says "I hope to never see you again." Penny hands Aaron off to Kate, and the Oceanic Six get on the raft. Desmond decides to stay on the boat with Penny, saying as long as he has her, he's fine. Jack tells him "I'll see you in another life, brotha." Probably will, too. They load up the raft and Jack says "Let's go home." They wash up on Nembata where villagers find them and help them off the raft. I am interrupted with a non-Lost related
10:54 PM EST
Jack and his Beard of Broken Dreams drive up to a funeral parlor with a Lapedus-like Band-Aid on his forehead. The home is locked. (Hoffs/Dralwar, in case it's important later.) Jack breaks the doornob wtih some sort of brick and kicks down the door to find an office room with a lone casket inside. Jack seems to be stressing out over the contents and doesn't immediately open it. It's Jeremy Bentham, and he doesn' tsign the papers for it. Inside the coffin is...
OH SHIT! Ben comes into the home and scares the shit out of Jack (and me) before we see who's inside. Jack spoke to Sayid about a month ago, and Kate came to see him. He told him after Jack left bad things happened, and that it wasn't his fault. He told him that he had to come back. Jack asks why Ben's there. Ben tells him the island won't let him come alone. All of them have to go back. I just notice now that ben is not dead. Jack says it's impossible, because he doesn' tknow where everyone is and that Hurley is insane, and Kate won't speak to him anymore. Ben offers to help with that. "This is the way it has to be, Jack, this is the only way. We have to do it together, all of you." Jack refuses, Ben pushes on with more ideas, and Jack nods resigned. "You have to bring him too." LOCKE IS IN THE MOTHERFUCKING COFFIN. LOCKE IS JEREMY _______. OH DEAR GOD THEY JUST KILLED TERRY O' QUINN.
10:59 PM EST
The season is over. Locke is dead. I am sufficiently shocked. See you in October!

Jesus Christ is Not A Weapon: The LOST Season Finale Blog

In lieu of flashing you news (or anything else), I've decided to blog some Lost. Here we go. Brace yourselves, this will probably be even longer than that Oscar blog. Please note there are two parts, both are long, and THIS IS THE FIRST PART OF THE EPISODE.
9:00 PM EST
Previously on Lost. Bad things happened, there was a press converence where as Gregory House would put it, "everybody lies,", and Jack HAS TO GO BACK!
9:02 PM EST
Jack and that ugly beard he borrowed from Season 2 Jack Bristow are getting yelled at by Kate to go back for believing someone named Jeremy (to keep her and Aaron safe). She slaps him. Aaron wonders why Jack isn't there to read to him. Things obviously didn't end well in the "last 3 years." (YAY for a time span!)
9:04 PM EST
Back to the island in the jungle where Jack and Sawyer look for what Lapedus told them . Hurly seemingly takes a pee in the woods and is very excited to see them both. They end in this treehouse-looking thing where Locke is.
9:05 PM EST
Desmond is on the boat looking at wiring and enough C-4 to "blow up a bloody aircraft carrier." He has training with them from the army. He and Jin and Michael are looking at the equipment and notice it can go off remotely. Jin asks to turn it off, but clearly it's not that easy. The wiring is complex and interconnected in a way that would be almost impossible to disconnect without "boom," as Jin puts it. Dramatic music ensues and fades to black
9:07 PM EST
Title card and that creepy whistle. Apparently this broadcast is brought to you by Ford. My first water break of the next two hours.
9:09 PMP EST
Back to the dharma station below Jack, Sawyer, Hurley, and Locke. Locke wants to speak privately, but Jack says hells no and Hurley advises against it because the helicopter is not the best plan. Locke looks knowing and evil.
9:10 PM EST
Ben in handcusffs with the Ugandan soldier in the woods. Soldier (lead) wonders why Whidmore wants him alive if he paid so much. Ben wonders why he killed his daughter. They see Lapedus trying to free himself and they get ready to shoot Kate who is running through tall grass (bad idea). She tells them her name and her status as a passenger, she's being chased. The soldiers disperse, but The lead stays and is ready to shoot her and Ben if shit goes down. Whispers aboud in the woods (bad sign), someone takes out one of the soldiers with a gross sounding blood spurt (Foley guys? Props), another takes out a different soldier. Clearly, they are on Ben and Kate's side, but you can't see who they are. They quickly take out the soldiers with tazers and bullets from behind the grass as Ben and Kate decide to make a break for it. A soldier blows up from a grenade.
9:13 PM EST
Kate is running. Ben is running. Soldiers are running. Ben trips. Dramatic music. Sayid attacks the soldier from the tree which he falls out of. Fighting ensues, but Said manages to stab him. More fighting. Sayid grabs a big stick and gets a few good wacks in before the soldier tries to choke him and before he manages to choke my Iraqi Love, the creepy ageless guy Richard Alpert shoots the soldierin the back. His band of others comes to reveal themselves as the aides to Kate, ben, and Sayid. The lead soldier is dead. Kate lets Ben out of the cuffs (I wouldn't), and Ben gives Kate and Sayid the go-ahead to the helicopter and to get off. That's it. Cue commercial violins.
9:15 PM EST
Commercial for Hancock, which I want to see. I dash to the bathroom so I miss nothing. I get back in time for commercials for The Mole - which isn't significant, but I thought I would mention it.
9:18 PM EST
Hurley attempts to unwrap some sort of generic fruit roll-up as we're at the mental clinic of the future. A woman asks him if he's Hurley and if he's dangerous. He says yes and he's confused. Apparently, he knows her grandson...WALT! Who is older! He promises not to do anything crazy. Walt walks over to him, sits down (scared of Hurley). Hurley comments he's gotten big. Walt is disappointed that he didn't come to see him, which Hurley apologizes for. Walt got a visit from Jeremy _____ (didn't catch the last name). Walt doesn't understand why the Oceanic Six has lied. They lied to protect everyone who didn't come back. Like Walt's dad Michael, which both confirm. Walt doesn't seem satisfied.
9:20 PM EST
Hurley is still eating 15-year-old Dharma Saltines (nice paralell, between eating and eating). Sawyer wonders what they're talking about in the Greenhouse Treehouse. Hurley asks if Claire and the baby were okay. Sawyer doesn't answer. Jack and Locke talk, Locke wants Jack to stay on the island. Jack says no and says that Locke got most of his people killed. Locke says "let bygones be bygones." Locke tells Jack he's supposed to stay on the island, and Jack mocks him and his ideas of destiny. He says if Jack leaves the island, he'll be haunted by that decision until he decides to come back. Jack blows him off and says bye. Locke says he'll have to lie about everything when he returns to the real world. "It's the only way to pretect it." Locke says "It's not an island. It's a place where miracles happen. And if you can't believe that, just wait to see what I'm about to do." Jack doesn't believe in miracles despite the whole not being crippled thing that Locke has been exhibiting since their rough landing. Ben crashes the party, Jack points a gun and Ben quips "Nice to see you too, Jack." He quickly finds the flowers that Locke can't find, pulls up a secret door, tells Jack that Sayid and Kate are waiting at the helicopter, and he won't fill them in. Ben tells Jackto get on the boat and says good bye, as he and Locke enter the Greenhouse. Locke tells Jack to lie to everyone back home like he lies to himself. They share a tense glare through glass as a creaky elevator takes them down to the bowels of the Orchid. Creak to commercial.
9:25 PM EST
Verizon commercial/water break. I come back in time for a Lycira commercial.
9:28 PM EST
Michael drags around some nitrogen. Sun asks him what's up, and Michael says that as long as the nitrogen does its job (I'm assuming in freezing the bombs), everyone will be fine. She tells Mike she's preggers, and he smiles and tells her congrats. She smiles and walks away.
9:29 PM EST
The boys are with the bombs, and Desmond questions Michael's intentions with the nitrogen. He explains that if he sprays the battery with the nitrogen, it'll freeze and there will be no power to the bomb. The catch? There's only one can. If the battery light turns red, they're screwed. They decide to go for it, and begin to douse teh battery.
9:30 PM EST
Heroic music. The raft comes back to the beach with Farraday onboard. He comes ashore, back for more passengers to the freighter, and tells Juliet he's going to get the next group and some water. Juliet thanks him for the help and he says no prob. He looks coniving.
9:31 PM EST
Miles eats Rose's peanuts. She's not happy. He asks permission late, but Rose will be keeping her eye on him. Charlotte and Farraday and Miles all plot. Charlotte must be on the raft for some reason, but Miles is left out. Miles is surprised Charlotte wants to leave, because she really wanted to get back to the island. "What do I mean?" I guess that's another mystery for another time.
9:32 PM EST
Rather than dying a dramatic Alias death in the elevator shaft, Ben and Locke are still on the elevator to the "deep" station they're fast approaching. The elevator door opens and into the dark tunnel they go (no, that's not a euphemism). As it turns out, the station has a TV. Locke is surprised. It's not the "magic box," according to Ben, and he starts turning on some lights. All the Dharma stations are meant for "experiments," but Ben won't elaborate past that and simply hands him a Dharma video to answer some questions as he "takes care of some business." Locke sits down to 6 of 6 of the orientation with the 15 bunny with Dr. Hallowax (that Asian guy). It's "The Orchid," and the island has a "casamere effect" which allows Dharma to experiemt with space and time. The door is a vault opposite negatively charged matter. No organic materials in the chamber. He puts the bunny in there to demonstrate how bad this shit here. Metallic objects must never be put in it. Despite this, Ben throws in a garbage can and a few metal chairs for good measure.
9:35 PM EST
He tries watch the video, but before he can see some bloody bunnies and smug Asian men, it rewinds and won't work. Anne, would this be the video you found online where it worked and the bunny disappeared? My favorite exchange so far takes place:
Locke "Is he talking about what I think he's talking about?"
Ben "If you're talking about time-traveling bunnies? Yes."
Ben puts in metal, even though Locke advises against it. Suddnely, the door closes, the elevator goes up, and Someone unexpected is obviously on their way to harm them. Ben asks Locke for his weapon back. Crick to commercial.
9:37 PM EST
Commercial break. I really hate those "5 dollar foot long" commercials. I can never tell if it's a sandwich or a male prostitute they're advertising. Although I do love the "you neglected to mention the sleeper sofa" commercial where for Dunkin' Donuts and the Scorpion bite commercial for the new Moto phone.
9:41 PM EST
Hurley, Sawyer, and Jack make their way to the helicopter where Kate and Sayid are unlocking Lapedus. They hug. Sawyer askss which of the soldiers "Freckles" killed. Kate asks Jack if he's okay, he says he is now that she's there. Somewhere, Kristyne is yelling "WHORE!" at her television. Lapedus apparently is trapped in industrial handcuffs, as they try to saw them off. They are finally free. They want to "get the hell out of here!" I wonder in awe how one Band-aid has managed to hang on to Lapedus's forehead. Because I know when I cut myself? Those things fall off real fast. Anyway. Lapedus tells them to keep their limbs inside the vehicle and yells "LET'S GO FOR A RIDE!" Heroic music swells, all are happy to leave, and the helicopter gets up in the sky with a lovely island vista.
9:44 PM EST
Back at The Orchid, bad shit is about to go down. The bastard soldier (hereafter known as BS) was NOT DEAD (he got better) and is waiting to take out Ben with his knife. Ben is conveniently hiding in a vent somewhere. BS says that Ben's boyfriend Locke shot him in the back, but his body armor caught it. He takes off his jacket and tells him about the "life-insurance policy" on his arm. It's a heartrate monitor that CONTROLS THE C-4 on the boat. Meaning that if he dies? Boom goes the boat. He taunts Ben with how his Daughter dies. locke comes out and puts his hands up. He introduces himself as someone with no conflict with BS. He asks BS to put his knife down so they can talk. BS is not for that. Ben comes out of the vent and starts whooping some ass. He stabs him in the neck, which is a dumb move. Locke yells at him for being so careless and the heart monitor goes crazy. The following exchange is, well, exchanged:
Locke "You just killed everyone on that boat!
Ben "So?"
9:47 PM EST
I slam my desk in frustration as a commercial break comes with no crick of music. I run for water #3. As I walk by the window, I notice that I have "Fever" hair, which excites me to no end.
9:51 PM EST
Farraday gets Charlotte and tries to tell her something, but she tells him she's not going, and that nothing is forever. She wants to stay because "would it make any sense if I was still looking for where I was born?" He tells her no, they hug, and she says goodbye. He looks after her longingly and starts to walk back to the others getting on the raft. Juliet also declines leaving unless everyone else is safely off the island. She'll be there when he gets back, which he doubts he'll ever do. People are ready to boat off to the boat with the bomb, which...I wouldn't. "Off we go," Farraday says.
9:53 PM EST
The boys are still spraying the battery. Desmond goes to cut a wire, but Jin tells him to stop and how they're still connected. It's not safe yet. There's 1/4 tank of liquid nitrogen left, and they ponder how to get everyon eoff the boat if they can't disable the bomb.
9:54 PM EST
'Copter time! Everyone is enjoying the view, but the fuel quantity is going down and going QUICK. They look outside to see if they see anything, but there's a fuel leak. Jack yells at him to look for the boat because there's no fuel on the island and then the helicopter's useless. They toss out "everything that's not bolted down" (other than themselves). This means supplies, but he wants another few hundred pounds off. Hurley looks guiltily at his stomach and looks like he's about to jump. Sawyer whispers to Kate, she asks "why are you telling me this," and he proceeds to kiss her in front of Jack, tells her to "Just do it Freckles," and Sawyer jumps out of the helicopter. This is the promise she made to Sawyer, obviously, and he is safe and off the helicopter for the weight problem. He swims back to the island. Kate cries. Fade to black.
9:57 PM EST
Commercial for Wall-E. I really don't Car-E, so I go to Pe-E. On to hour 2 (or 3, if you watched the finale rerun) of the Lost extravaganza!

Here's the Story, Of A Man Named...Biddle?

See, this is the problem with watching daytime television. I was sitting watching VH1's 100 Best Child Stars, and they showed Peter Brady (Christopher Knight) all grown up and hosting. Which is great. But what creeped me out was seeing the old pictures of him. Looking suspiciously like Matt.
Oh dear. Biddle's a Brady.

Okay, Less Creepy Than Expected

So, to recap from two or three entries ago: My professor found my blog after I said some reviews about his class (not all terrible, I cut them out just to be safe). I get an e-mail about three hours after I posted it saying things that would only make sense if you read the original entry. Which...creeped me out. Turns out he has Google Alerts on himself, so...it was a pure coincidence that he found it.
Oh, and apparently, my J Research is really interesting and good, so I don't have to do terribly much to finish or edit it. Just have to add on the two interviews, the conclusion, and the works cited.

Men vs. Women: Gender Misidentification

So to set up the situation. I have set up an interview with the administrator of California's Charter School organization. I e-mail her a few times, and I get an e-mail back saying that she can't focus on an e-mail interview (understandable) and that I should call her at 8 AM EST (Ugh, but I'll do it). But at the beginning of the e-mail, she calls me Andrew.
Now I understand, I've been mistaken for a guy before with the nickname Alex, it's nothing new. But this administrator didn't have the time to read the name at the end of the e-mail? I'm severely insulted.

Men: Dave Pizzuto

Me: So this chick I have to interview? She called me Andrew.
Me: I've sent her 3 e-mails now.
Me: My name has been on all of them.
Me: My name is not Andrew, nor do I have male genitalia.
Me: I'm rather insulted and if I didn't need this administrator's comment for this story, I wouldn't even bother.
Dave: That's...embarassing.
Dave: And by embarassing, I mean terrible.
Me: I know!
Me: I got brushed off and called by another name!
Me: I mean, I'm used to people mistaking me for a dude when I say Alex.
Me: But she called me ANDREW.
Me: After 3 e-mails where I identified myself as Alex or Alexandra.
Dave: Either she's a moron or she doesn't read well. Either way, she probably shouldn't be in an administrative position.

Women: Brooke Aldrich
Me: So this lady I have to interview in California can't e-mail me the answers and I have to call her at 8 AM tomorrow morning.
Me: And she called me Andrew.
Me: My name isn't Andrew, it's Alexandra like it says in the 3 e-mails I sent her.
Me: Nor do I have male genitalia.
Brooke: lawl
Me: I'm severely insulted.
Brooke: I would be too
Me: Like, my school e-mail has my name attached.
Me: So it comes up with Alexandra.
Me: So it's not really unobvious that I'm a girl.
Me: Now I understand when I get mistaken for a guy when I use Alex, it's happened before.
Me: But she didn't even call me that, she called me Andrew.
Brooke: yea
Brooke: that's a big "wtf, you definitely didn't pay attention at all"

Men: Matt Biddle

Me: I mean, I understand if she mistakes me for a guy when I use Alex, it's happened many times before and sometimes people will be more inclined to talk to you if you're a guy.
Me: But she didn't just call me a guy, she called me another guy's name.
So she doesn't care AND she is under the false impression that I am in posession of a dick.
Matt: yeah, i would be pissed, too. plus, she probably isn't THAT busy. i mean, nobody except maybe the presidential candidates are THAT busy.
to not properly read a name.
Me: See, that's what I figure.
Me: In your inbox, it says the name that comes with the e-mail account, which in this case is Alexandra Palombo.
Matt: yeah, true. that makes it even worse. i forgot about that.
Me: Yeah.
Matt: yeah, that sucks, i'm sorry.
Me: It's okay, I was planning on straightening her out over the phone.
Matt: being, like hello this is ALEXANDRA.
Me: I was planning on doing so.
Matt: good choice.

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

As I was Googling myself today for kicks, I found my old quote pages and I had forgotten how funny they were and how much I've learned from my friends. So sit back and relax as I reminisce about what my friends from high school taught me.

Brandon Plaster's Guide to Afghani Foreign Policy
"Taliban! Bang bang bang bang bang! Taliban, shoot you in the face, Taliban!"

Will Hopkins and Tucker Sherry on Figurative Language
"I've decided that I'm gonna use random analogies that make little to no sense." - Will
"Like a Texan." - Tucker

Kim Morton on The Titanic Tragedy
"Enough of this exposition. Bring on the water."

The Louisa White School of Police Sound Effects
"Whiiiiioooooo!"

Chelsea Johnstone on Poetry of Authority Figures
"Did you know Frat has 150 published works, including poems?" - Me
"So did the Pope. It doesn't mean they're good." - Chelsea

The Lidia Jin School of Avoiding Calculus Quizzes
"But it's the 6th day of Hannukah!"

Chelsea Johnstone on Class Participation
"Don't put me in direct view!"

Wes Crampton on Procrastination
"Brian! Guess what day it is? It's EVENTUALLY!"

The Tucker Sherry School of Courtesy*Sneeze* - Jimmy
"Bless you." - Me
*Sneeze* - Jimmy
"Bless you." - Me & Tucker
*Sneeze* - Jimmy
"You better fucking stop that." - Tucker

Mariellen Boyle on The Children of Oedipus
"I wanna see the kids; their genes are all DuPont-ed out."

The Chris Tharp School of Intimidation
"I demand you open this door or I'll be forced to...break in with force."

Terry Wu on Early North American Settlements
"The Puritans were chillin' in their cribs."

Mariellen Boyle on Understanding Sports
"Wait, cut the what and run where?"

Jason Chandler on Music Theory
"That's stacatto, you douche bags."

Justin Rathemanner on Swimming Technique
"Fat kids don't skinny dip, they chunky dunk."

Laura Gray and Rachel Kozlowski on Geometric Needlework
"This is what Charter has done to me. I got bored making square pillows, so I made a tetrahedron." - Rachel
"The fact that you just called it a tetrahedron is what scares me." - Laura

Kyle Benson on Racial Identity
"I was Hispanic once...no, really, I was!"

Ethan Beswick on Cooking
"Hey, Ethan, how'd you get raisins this big?" - Kim
"Hey, Kim, what happens when you put dehydrated fruit in liquid?" - Ethan

Dash Hause and Mariellen Boyle on Eastern European Affairs
"They formed Czechoslovakia. And then they broke up. And got back together. And broke up again." - Dash (on Czech Republic & Slovakia)
"And then they went on Montel." - Mariellen

Amanda Olsen and Dave Pizzuto on Relative Intelligence
"Dave, you're smart, right?" - Amanda
"In theory." - Dave

I'm sure more is to come...

Grade the Graders

I don't know about you guys, but I'm kind of tired of these teacher evaluations.
I totally understand the point of them, and I'm sure they're useful, but they're really not anonymous. Teachers have to grade tests and papers you write by hand, they know your handwriting. They generally have an idea of how you feel towards them and their grading. And they're kind of a boring way to spend the last 10 minutes of a class ever. I'm just putting out there what I said/will say for different teachers.

Well, they'll find out soon enough. Hi Professor Loop!