College, As Defined by Sheldon

In my quest to watch as much Big Bang Theory as possible, I've come across perhaps the best characterization of college parties I've ever seen on a television show. Sheldon and Leonard have it pretty down pat.

"Like Jane Goodall observing the apes, I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured, but patterns emerged. They have their own...language, if you will."
"Go on."
"Well it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group with the greeting 'How wasted am I?' which is met with an approving chorus of 'Dude.'"
" Then what happens?"
"That's as far as I've gotten.

Twitter Truth

So I was Twitter creeping (yes, I'm on Twitter. Follow me, fools! It's on the right sidebar), and I came across this funny little exchange between my two old editors.

Ugh. It's funny because it's true.

(Click on the picture for a clearer view of what Andy & Edon were talking about)

Mac Meltdown

No, porn was not involved.

So I get home (yay!) to Delaware (more yay!) and turn on my laptop to get online and surf my life away, and all that pops up is the start screen with a blinking folder with a question mark.

Not good. Tech support is getting called tomorrow. Good news is, it's still under guarantee.

Actual Conversation

Tucker: haha
Me: What?
Tucker: when gerard butler and the other spartans were training for the movie
Tucker: guess how many total reps they did?
Me: 300.
Tucker: exactly
Me: It boggles the mind.
Me: I have to go drop off a final.
Tucker: indeed
Tucker: i have to go drop off a deuce
Tucker: not really
Tucker: but it sounded like the right time to say it
Me: It was a nice segue.
Tucker: ooh, you spelled it correctly

Wake Up Call

No, this post is not about a Maroon 5 song of the same name. It was a legit wake up call.

Around 7:50 this morning, about an hour before my alarm clock goes off (9 AM. That's right, I'm a college student), I hear Fountains of Wayne "Hey Julie" and vibration from my desk, which is my Dad's ringtone.

I pick up and it's him, stuck in traffic, calling to tell me that Guns n' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" was on the radio, and proceeds to hold up the phone to the radio so I can hear buzzing and faint screaming from Axl Rose.

If this post sounds like I'm pissed, really, I'm not. Dad does this a lot, actually, just not usually in the morning. It's usually when there's Barry White on the radio, just because "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" is the parental embarrassment song that he and Mom sing in public sometimes. Or sometimes when my sister's having her 17th birthday party in the basement and they're listening to rap, which usually ends in "Where did I go wrong? At least I have one daughter with good taste" in a forlorn voice.

Getting Animated

It's been a while since I posted (and by a while, I mean Monday), but i just got to KellyPaul's animation final screening and there's live music for one of the projects. How fun and trippy.

(Even more fun and trippy? This was posted from my cell phone during the animation show. I know!)

I Will Be A Horrible Mother

My fish died, and I honestly couldn't tell you when it happened.

I look over at my fish bowl, complete with typewriter, and started looking for ZZ, so named for his long red scales off his chin that made him look like ZZ Top. I see him floating towards the top, and so I nudge the bowl. His little fins didn't move anymore, and he just kind of drifted with the waves of the water towards the side. I poked him, and he sank.

(Affirmative. I poked one, it was dead)

I did all I could do. I took him to his final resting place and whistled "Taps" as I flushed him to heaven.

Breaskfast is Safe Again

This is according to BBC News and the medical experts that they interviewed regarding the swine flu spreading throughout Mexico and the US.

Is it safe to eat pig meat?

Yes. There is no evidence that swine flu can be transmitted through eating meat from infected animals.

However, it is essential to cook meat properly. A temperature of 70C (158F) would be sure to kill the virus.

(Thank God)

Swine Flu? iNo Gracias!

Danielle: The articles i read didn't even say where it came from.
Me: Mexico.
Danielle: Except from Mexico.
Me: The pigs in Mexico.
Me: Just like Bird Flu started in like China.
Danielle: It's strange.
Me: Right?
Danielle: Oh well. I highly doubt it'll be a pandemic.
Me: I hope not.
Me: Because I fucking love bacon.
Danielle: Exactly!
Danielle: Don't take my bacon away.
Me: Give me liberty or give me bacon.
Danielle: I really only need the bacon.

The Family Network

My parents just got "married" after like 24 years of being married. Confused? Jill was.

I know I've already talked about this at length in last week's Ithacan article, but in that article I couldn't write about my own family. Which sucks, because they're quite a crew. And now they all seem to be on Facebook, which amuses me to no end. And I can tell you for a fact, every person in this picture has a profile. No joke.

My family on Facebook isn't anything too horribly new. When I first logged on, my cousins Amanda, Emily, and Hannah were already there, so we were "friends" pretty early on. More and more cousins joined up (Nathan was recent, as were Janet and Amanda), and therefore more and more Palombos were friends with me. But not those creepers that tried to friend me based on name. Hear that, Mexico?

My immediate family getting online started when Dad went on YNIA, and all the kiddlings on that trip wanted to keep in touch with him, and tag him in their photos. He had no clue what that meant, so I set him up with a profile.

Corinne got one a little bit later, but that wasn't a huge surprise. She's in high school, it's kind of what you do. You complain about J Research, you talk about how worried you are about college, you post your pictures, and send stupid bumper stickers. Plus, it took her longer than Dad because the girl barely checks her e-mail.

Mom got on like 2 months ago so she could look at my pictures from California. Now normally that would freak some people the hell out, but since I didn't do anything wild and crazy I figured why not? And then as soon as she got on, I get friend requests from Aunt Dori, Aunt Kathy (who sends me nothing but forwards, but I love her anyway), and Mom's BFFs Margaret and Tim (who I've known since like birth).

It's so funny, to see a college school project turn into a way for 40 somethings to talk about their kids.

Your Sweeper Can Suck It

Yet another war has broken out in Bogart. And this one started over...a vacuum.

That's right. VACUUM.

We started talking about perhaps the most heated topic next to religion and political views: Midwestern Slang. See, Allie and inexplicably, PA born & bred KellyPaul both use the words "tennis shoes" for sneakers, "pop" for soda, "suckers" for lollipops, and "sweepers" for vacuums. Morgan and I choose to use the correct words the East Coast versions of those terms

I'm not even going to touch the "pop" argument, because it never ends well. I argue that sneakers is the better word, because they're not just for tennis. They're also basketball shoes, walking shoes, running shoes, baseball shoes, too rainy to wear sandals shoes, and Chuck Taylors. And I do admit that "suckers" does make sense, although I still prefer "lollipop" because that's what I'm used to.

I have a problem with the "sweepers" argument. A huge problem with it.

See, "sweepers" are brooms. They sweep. Or they're the big things that clean up the streets after a wild night of drinking and partying in New Orleans, like the sucker (sorry, lollipop) seen at right.

Vacuums suck. They do not sweep. And yes, both have two vowels in a row, but I argue that two "U"s next to each other is exponentially cooler than two "E"s. Vacuums are designed to suck up all the crap on your floor, not sweep it into a corner.

To be polite, your names are illogical. To be crass, your words are stupid. and it seems to me that your belligerence on these terms and refusal to give up your foolish ways can only mean one thing. Morgan Pepper of 205 and Alexandra Palombo of 209 of the Glorious Dorm of Bogart do hereby declare Lingo War on Alexandria Taylor of 213 and KellyPaul Paul of Hood Dorm 214.

(It's on like Donkey Kong)

Morgan Pepper: Our #1 Source for Hot Male Nudity

But seriously, though.

Walking back from Soup Supper at chapel tonight, we somehow got to talking about movies that were good, and what defined good, which somehow got to talking about One Hour Photo. I think it was because Kristyne was creeping with her camera...

Anyway, once we were on the topic of One Hour Photo, I said I wanted to see it. Morgan says "It's really good. Michael Vartan is naked in it."

KellyPaul says "Morgan, you only think it's good because someone's naked in it."

Morgan replies, "Yeah, because it's Michael Vartan." Which...I am inclined to agree with. Yum.

Which got me to thinking. Morgan has said before that she wanted to see movies because hot boys got naked. She watched 17 Again for this guy from Weeds, and at any moment could tell you if a hot boy gets nude in a movie. This can only mean one thing.

Clearly, Morgan was meant to work for Flesh of the Stars.

Efficient But Deadly

So Renee and I were in Euro today while our classmates taught us about the Italian mafia families and how they operate (more or less). As they talked about them branching out to other countries, we started talking about what a Swedish mafia would look like (at which time I really wanted to call up Sarah and see if she would know). Enter the following conversation:

Me: They'd shop at Ikea and be really efficient.
Renee: They'd all be dressed in H&M.
Me: They would all have great health coverage.
Renee: And they'd all drive these really nice Volvos with the top down and listen to ABBA.

So imagine my surprise that the Svensk Maffia is a huge problem. See? This is what happens when Renee and I joke about stupid shit in Euro. We turn out to be surprisingly right.

Why No Often-Posts?

As this man to my right would say, I'm under pressure.

Three papers due in one week (one tomorrow which I finished, one Wednesday that I started reading the book for, and one Friday which I've done pretty much nothing for). Presentation next week.

Finals are fast approaching, so blogs will be sporadic when I'm procrastinating.

Killing Russell Brand, Trent Lane Plays Miles, Hotel California, and 5 Reasons Why Chang Should Be On Lost

See, now this is what happens when I watch Lost with Kristyne, Allie, and KellyPaul (one word).

First off, there's a dead body on Lost. I don't know who it is, but it really looked like Russell Brand. Which I would be really upset if it was, because I love that crazy limey.

Logically, I knew it wasn't him. I mean, this isn't 30 Rock, there are no crazy celebrity cameos, no matter how much they're rumored.

Furthermore, young Miles was a BAMF. We all agreed that a few piercings on a guy were okay (maybe one in the ear; supposedly, an ear piercing on a guy means he'd be a good husband. He knows pain, and he's good at picking out jewelry), but all over your face? No thank you. He had them in his ears (all up in, up and down the ridge), in his nose, in his eyebrow, and three making an odd face on his chin.
So basically, he looked like Trent Lane from Daria. Not that this is a bad thing, I thought Trent was pretty hot for a cartoon character. And I sort of have a thing for Asian guys, so to me, Miles is pretty sexy (more without the piercings than with, I gotta say).

Somewhere after talking about the Miles/Trent resemblence, Kelly Paul mentioned that the people on the island "can check out any time you like/but you can never leave," which I never noticed before, but is totally legit. The island is totally Hotel California.

Funny, never thought an Eagles reference would make it onto this blog...

Moving on. We also decided as a group that beloved film professor/Korean chef Chang should totally make an appearance on Lost. Here are our (Letterman rip-off) Top 5 Reasons Why Chang Should Appear on Lost.

5) He would make way better Dharma Initiative videos than the crap-ass director they have employed now.
4) He would beat up the polar bears with his wooden stick.
3) Writers already established potential family members with Dr. Chang and Miles.
2) When everyone on the island gets sick of boar meat and fish, he could make kim-chi quesadillas.
1) In Kristyne's words, "It's Chang."

College. Love. Babies. DRAMA!

Let's make this perfectly clear. Kristyne got about 3 hours of sleep last night. So coherent, in control of her wits...she is not.

We decided to head up to Towers for dinner, because we hadn't in a while. And I can't really write down the entire conversation, but I know this for sure: I wish I had the film assignment to make dialogue out of a conversation, because this was a doozy.

At some point, Kristyne laid out her life ambitions in the following order:
1) Filmmaker
2) Farmer/Space Cowboy (Billy Bob Thornton)
(I'll get back to you on the rest).
3) Spanish singer.
4) Bounty Hunter.

We explained why there was unleavened bread at mass to Casey, and then Kristyne jumped in with "That's why we have this wafer shit, instaed of like a loaf of bread. And there'd be crumbs."

And then we were talking about inventions, and how she wanted to make a slate with blades to keep her film crew on the ball. A slate guillotine. This was the quote. Dead serious.

"I'm gonna get this freshman to work on my film shoot, and he'll say 'I don't want to,' and then I'll cut off—LOOK A CARDINAL!"

This was after several other awkward staring contests, a rambling rant about how the pierogies were too healthy for her (they were baked, and they were delicious), singing in Spanish how she didn't want to go to FLEFF, and a few other things.

Girl needs sleep. Bad.

Pleasant Surprises At 9 AM EST

Say what you want about her teaching, but my News I teacher has great timing.

I got an e-mail this morning around 9 AM telling me that she had the flu and therefore class would be cancelled until our next class on Monday.

Meanwhile, I was freaking out about getting a professor interview for my Facebook article (which I have to write tonight rather than tomorrow) and when I would do it, because the schedule was supposed to go as follows:

(10 AM - 11:40 AM) News I
(12 PM - 1 PM) Tabling in Campus Center for Cake Magazine
(1 PM - 1:50 PM) Democracies & Dictatorships
(2 PM - 2:50 PM) European Politics
(4 PM - 5:15 PM) Politics of Security in East Asia

Now? Scratch that first part and fill in "Interview with Interpersonal Communications Professor." Really, this was a live saver.

Mad Libs Night: Updates ASAP

The girl should be an actress, not a director/producer. More to come soon.

8:48 PM EST
My turn. I swear, I can do broadcasting better than this.

10:32 PM EST
Kelly Paul's turn. Girl can keep a straight face like no other, but really, Morgan laughing through this is almost worth it in it of itself.

8:31 AM EST, 4/6/09
The rest. Starting with Morgan/Kelly Paul.

And then Casey...

And then Allie...

And then a RAVE. With Kristyne/David Blaine at the end.

The Most Not-Drunk Drunk People You'll Meet

Let it be known: I love my floormates. The BoGirls, if you will.

We decided not to go out last night, but rather to stay in, yell at Scene It? a little more (which we've pretty much memorized all the questions, so that was over before it began), and then we decided to watch Robin Hood: Men in Tights, which I had never seen.

...which we never finished. Because Kristyne busted out the Mad Libs.

The night then veered into the weird and awkward-funny territory it often does with us. Kristyne turned on some dance music, and that's when things went weird. We watched SNL for Phoenix (who were really excellent), and then we hung out some more.

The Mad Libs videos will follow. The one of me will make you ill, both because I look gross and because of Kristyne's camera work.

Oh, Plus This

And that Disney to Nollywood seminar? Same time as all the other politics seminars that I could possibly take (the one I want to take, the one I would settle for, and the one I don't want to take).

More of my thoughts.