Friday, April 24, 2009

Your Sweeper Can Suck It

Yet another war has broken out in Bogart. And this one started over...a vacuum.

That's right. VACUUM.

We started talking about perhaps the most heated topic next to religion and political views: Midwestern Slang. See, Allie and inexplicably, PA born & bred KellyPaul both use the words "tennis shoes" for sneakers, "pop" for soda, "suckers" for lollipops, and "sweepers" for vacuums. Morgan and I choose to use the correct words the East Coast versions of those terms

I'm not even going to touch the "pop" argument, because it never ends well. I argue that sneakers is the better word, because they're not just for tennis. They're also basketball shoes, walking shoes, running shoes, baseball shoes, too rainy to wear sandals shoes, and Chuck Taylors. And I do admit that "suckers" does make sense, although I still prefer "lollipop" because that's what I'm used to.

I have a problem with the "sweepers" argument. A huge problem with it.

See, "sweepers" are brooms. They sweep. Or they're the big things that clean up the streets after a wild night of drinking and partying in New Orleans, like the sucker (sorry, lollipop) seen at right.

Vacuums suck. They do not sweep. And yes, both have two vowels in a row, but I argue that two "U"s next to each other is exponentially cooler than two "E"s. Vacuums are designed to suck up all the crap on your floor, not sweep it into a corner.

To be polite, your names are illogical. To be crass, your words are stupid. and it seems to me that your belligerence on these terms and refusal to give up your foolish ways can only mean one thing. Morgan Pepper of 205 and Alexandra Palombo of 209 of the Glorious Dorm of Bogart do hereby declare Lingo War on Alexandria Taylor of 213 and KellyPaul Paul of Hood Dorm 214.

(It's on like Donkey Kong)

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