Cingular: No Longer Raising the Bar

The away message of Chelsea's being referred to: I just read an article that cell phone talking causes barely moving, hardly viable, and mutated sperm: Maybe you guys should put your phones in your back pockets and not the front beside them instead.

Me: And I just read your away message and that's hilarious.
Chelsea: That's not HILARIOUS! That's scary!
Me: It is too. We're coming up with a population of sterile young men!
Chelsea: I want my man READY
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Chelsea: And each time I want to know the kids I may get are NORMAL.
Chelsea: If I have an abnormal child because he was chatting the night away, I'll be upset.
Chelsea: If my daughter has Downs or is stupid or ugly or something all because his Envy was too close to the boys....
Chelsea: I would be very, very sad.
Me: I just laughed really really loud right then and I'm glad my roommate's not here.Because Dave in Troy could've heard my snort.
Chelsea: haha I'm glad I could help
Chelsea: Dr. Fisch explains: "You can tell a man's testosterone level very easily -- the bigger the belly, the lower testosterone level."
Me: That's good to know.
Chelsea: Look at my skinny lanky willowy Manly Man any differently now?!
Chelsea: Rawrrrrrr!
Chelsea: lol
Me: Get him a wristlet to keep his phone far away from his crotch.
Chelsea: lol
Me: Tell him to put it across the room for safety's sake.
Chelsea: Cuz he'd use THAT.
Me: Yeah.
Chelsea: And he'll want to know why.
Chelsea: And when I say I'm worried about his sperm, where does THAT convo go?!
Chelsea: lol nooooo thanks.
Me: "Look, Kev, I know you like the sensation of your phone vibrating in your front pocket, but my ova are not waiting for just ANYONE, and Cingular is shrinking your bars, so could you move it? Kay, thanks."
Me: Cingular is no longer raising the bar.
Chelsea: ALEX!
Chelsea: There are many innuendos in that!
Chelsea: Nicely done!

You heard her, boys. Move your phone to the back pocket so that the human race can live on.