Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Good, The Bad, and Miley Cyrus: The Oscar Red Carpet

Even though we started cooking/frosting around 6ish and then eating around 7ish, this blogger says that the Oscars start officially at 8 PM. So despite all the "Glamastration" and my annoyance that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was wearing a beanie on the red carpet (and how everyone kept saying that Jessica Beal looked gorgeous with 8 tons of fabric sprouting from her boobs), it doesn't count.

Okay. On with the show.

8 PM
So Robin Roberts and Tim Gunn are controlling ABC's red carpet, and we're shocked to find that the Oscars don't start until 8:30. According to Norah, it's "Because the Oscars don't start until Kate Winslet is inside."
8:02 PM
Monica sees Diane Lane with Josh Brolin, and questions whether "Nights in Rodanthe" was any good. Kristyne said it was great, and that she had sex to it.
8:04 PM
We admire Amy Adams' dress and necklace. Hilary finds out that the Oscars aren't for another half hour and says "Fuck THAT" and leaves.
8:05 PM
Frank Langella, the 4th bitch in our Oscar picture, shows up looking gray and distinguished with his daugther.
8:06 PM
The room is up in arms because Miley Cyrus shows up. "May a house be dropped on YOU!" says Norah. Thankfully, she's cut off by advertisements.
8:09 PM
Bjork comes on the screen in her swan gown. Oh dear...
8:10 PM
Tim Gunn interviews Valentino, who is more orange than the dresses he makes.
8:11 PM
The "entire cast" ("Liars!" says Kristyne) of Slumdog Millionaire are on the interview stage. All the little kids are there and they're adorable. Danny Boyle speaks for the group and is really honored and happy everyone is there.
8:12 PM
Mickey Rourke is questioned on who he's wearing. Don't really care, he looks like crap. Very very talented and should win the award. But looks like crap. They then cut to Zack Efron and Vanessa Hudgins, but no one cares.
8:13 PM
I'm not really listening, I'm just focusing on how sexy Robert Downey Jr. is.
8:14 PM
Viola Davis looks fabulous, but kind of sounds like the chief on Carmen Sandiego.
8:15 PM
Anne Hathaway shows up. The dress is great, but it washes her out. Norah is intrigued on the size of her teeth.
8:20 PM
Accountant monologue, then the Oscar counters walk down the carpet with briefcases and Botoxed grins. We thought they were holding hands, which would've been adorable.
8:21 PM
Meryl Streep comes up and looks lovely. As does her daughter. Not much else to say, really.
8:22 PM
Monica believes that Penelope Cruz has a "ducklike quality." Norah believes she looks like Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. I am indifferent.
8:23 PM
Jack Black shows up with his wife. Everyone but me seems to be shocked that he's married.
8:24 PM
Tim Gunn loves seeing Marisa Tomei with her clothes on, unlike Mickey Rourke. She actually looks good! No way!
8:25 PM
If there was an earthquake at the Kodak, who would Judd Apatow save? His wife. (Good boy)
8:26 PM
Michael Giacchino is music directing the Oscars! He looks like J.J. Abrams with curly hair.
8:27 PM
The red carpet signs off and puts some commercials before the big show.

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